A Journey Through Grief

I have grieved each of the losses in my life differently.

I seem to grieve my losses differently than do others.

As my losses are unique and I am unique so I guess, my grief is unique.

Working through Grief is the most difficult thing I have ever done.

Only in facing my pain, and going with it, have I been able to grow in it. If I did not face it, the pain simply waited for me.

Denying the sorrow and pain does not work; Trying to avoid them with overwork or other addictions simply deferred the inevitable.

My Grief Journeys have been long and difficult.

With my losses, I have grown in trust of God and now rely on God's help in ways I'd never dreamt.

I may seem the same on the outside, but inside, I am different. But I cannot explain how I am different; for words fail.

Grace now enables me to live with paradox, conflict, unanswered questions, and ambiguity.

My losses brought me significant disturbance at my surface forcing me to seek and find God's Love and Peace in my depths.

Peace seemed to come with my ability and willingness simply to say "yes" to God.

My "yes" to God pulled me beyond myself and my immediate loss.

I began to find and live with the certainty that my trust in God is greater than my problems.

God's Love illuminated my resistance, weakness, fear. I learned to let them go, albeit slowly and painfully.

I had to learn that my journey through Grief did not depend on me alone, that God was helping me through the Love and Concern of others.

The people who helped me were friends and unexpected strangers.

Often they helped because of their own experience of hurts and wounds.

They knew that sharing sorrow makes it less burdensome and less painful.

People who brought me Love were signs of God's hidden presence.

Helping others is an Art, a noble and sensitive art, bringing healing and growth, not only for me, but also to my caregivers.

Others' walking with me was most important for me, more so than talking, as words often were inadequate.

Others helped me, not with their Wisdom, but through the mysterious workings of Grace.

Wounded healers ended up teaching me about God.

I found God's gifts more by walking with others and sharing God's wonder, than though talking.

I learned that God was/is present in every situation in my life, but that often I had to look carefully to find God.

When others shared their vulnerability with me, we discovered God in our midst.

When others let go of trying to fix or change me or my situation, we discovered deep beautiful places in our hearts.

Empathy required much Listening. Others' empathy opened our hearts where we discovered sanctuaries of peace.

There, I found God.

It was hard to be open and receptive when I felt wounded and hurt. When pain was raw in its newness, finding hope was difficult. My pain was so overwhelming I only saw the fact of my loss.

God seemed distant. The good news of faith was nowhere to be found in the bad news of my loss.

The light from Grace did not appear suddenly. It grew in intensity as I was able to persevere in blind trust.

The light increased as the sun at dawn, with only significant objects visible and details shadowed and blurred. I suffered misinterpretations for want of light.

With more sunlight, details became more distinct with their importance realized. By the High Noon of my journey, all was revealed.

With a clearer view of my own wretchedness, I could begin to empathize with the wretchedness of others, hidden till now.

Preoccupation with my Grief took me in two directions: I faced bitterness, pessimism, and fear because of my loss. I felt cheated, overwhelmed, and trapped. I imagined and expected the worst.

The dread influenced how I acted. These thoughts further isolated me without me even knowing it. How could I see God in such thoughts?

I began to find God as I picked up the pieces of my life. I began to see alternatives and opportunities despite my heartache. I learned to avoid focusing on what happened to me and instead to concentrate on what to do with what happened to me.

God brought light out of darkness, order out of chaos, meaning out of meaninglessness, life out of death.

I had to stop ruminating on things I could not change. God gave us responsibility for what God had created. Yes, I was bewildered by the tragic events of my losses, but God was there.

God seemed distant and silent to me, But God was/is there/here.

As I journeyed through my Grief, I learned to live more in the Present Moment. I found joy in who I was right now. I no longer think about the future as a source of happiness or peace. It is Now.

Peace and Happiness are not back there where I was; nor in front waiting for me; Peace and Happiness lie within my heart and increase or decrease based on how I live my life Now.

I keep on learning to be fully alive to the present moment.

And as I learned more who I am at the center of my heart and saw and appreciated my uniqueness, I saw and appreciated the uniqueness of others, no longer expecting them to be like me.

My Losses in life are real, but so is God.

I prayed, I listened, I lived one day at a time, one moment at a time.

God entered my loss, transforming it, transforming me.

I found out that Hope is not just an optimistic attitude; It is an outlook of mind and of heart.

I learned that in the midst of deep sadness and suffering Steadfast Love Transforms.

So much has been given me, I have no more time to dwell on what I have lost.